Twelve In Twelve - Twelve In Twelve

Whole30 – Tales of the Grocery Store

Alright. So I decided I was going to follow the Whole30 program, and I read the book – It Starts with Food(see yesterday’s blog post for more details). I understood most of the chemical, hormonal, body-processing-functions, and knew I wanted to get my body back functioning how it was meant to function – without chemical, processed crap.

But actually coming up with a plan?

It was really hard to wrap my mind around the food plan – meat, veggies, some fruit, healthy fats. How in the world would I buy groceries and plan meals around this program? Thankfully, the book had a lot of “meal starter” ideas – and the “base” for each meal was meat and veggies. Meat and veggies – I can do that. Add healthy fat and seasoning to make it taste differently…. I can do that.

So, I made a list. I thought about foods I liked to eat – and foods I knew Jay would eat. I thought about how complex recipes were, and what would keep in the fridge for a few days.

I made a list.

Next, Jay and I cleaned out the fridge. We THREW AWAY EVERYTHING we weren’t going to eat in the next 30 days.

Goodbye, processed food.

I was still feeling pretty excited about the Whole30 program. That is, until I stepped foot into the grocery store. Despite having my list and my meals planned, I WAS GRIPPED WITH HORROR. Almost every single thing being sold on the shelves was processed, chemical “food”.

(I say food with ” ‘s because, let’s face it, Cheeze-Its are not “real food”.)

I felt like I was being eaten alive in that grocery store. One wrong mis-step, and I could be shoveling bags of chips and packages of cookies into my cart, running wild through the aisles. I knew I needed to pay attention and ONLY buy what I planned to buy. But it was terrifying – changing my entire food plan, my entire shopping experience, and the actual food I bought was so incredibly different.

Fish = Grocery Store. Eating me alive.

I’m so thankful that Jay and I are going through this together. Having him by my side, excited about making positive changes…. it really made a big difference. We stuck to our list, and made it home with everything we needed: produce, meat, dairy, tea, seasonings, and some “extra” fun non-food items…

Fruit & Veggies

Veggies & Fruit

Meat

Coconut Milk, Butter and Eggs

Tea

Seasoning, Oil & Vinegar, Olives

Thumb-Bowls, Egg Container, Tea Box, Plates & Bowls, New Lunch Bag

Looking back, I don’t know why I was so gripped with fear at the grocery store. Maybe it was knowing the changes ahead – not simply changing my food, but changing my habits, my emotions, and my reactions to situations. Maybe I knew this project had the potential to be SO MUCH BIGGER and SO MUCH BETTER than I imagined.

After I got home from the grocery store, I realized that instead of feeling like a barbie being eaten by a fish, I felt more like a barbie being healthy, claiming her life back instead.

hay gurrrll, hay.

Up next? I’ll talk about what specifically I made…. and what I’m eating!

Coffee Creamer + 3-Ingredient Cake

Twelve In Twelve

Hi, I’m Ann, and I’m a recovering Diet Coke addict.

About a year ago, I gave up Diet Coke and went through one of the worst Diet Coke detoxes. (Click to link) Believe it or not, I would drink between 4- 8 cans of Diet Coke/day. Like I said, I’m a recovering Diet Coke addict.

Now that I’ve given up Diet Coke, I’ve started drinking coffee in the morning.

Hello, my love.

The difference between coffee and Diet Coke is that I drink much, much, MUCH less coffee and it’s not a trigger.

When I would drink Diet Coke, I would crave salty and sweet foods: i.e. chips and chocolate. And anytime I had Diet Coke, I would never drink it solo. And it would never accompany fruits, veggies, or healthy foods. Diet Coke was always present during a binge – especially when I was eating my feelings.

I’ve found a new love with coffee creamer. Namely, the Coffeemate creamers. I am seriously LOVING Peppermint Mocha and Cinnamon Cookie flavors. (Thanks, Ash, for introducing me to the Peppermint Mocha flavor!)

A few nights ago, I made a pumpkin cake. It turned out much better than anticipated, and I’m excited to pass along my recipe –

Cake + Coffee Creamer

1 box sugar free yellow cake mix
15 oz canned pumpkin
A few shakes of Cinnamon

1. Combine ingredients.
2. Swirl Cinnamon on top of cake batter, if you’re feeling fancy.
3. Put into greased baking dish.
4. Cook at 425 for about 25-30 minutes.
5. Cut into 12 pieces right away, so you don’t immediately eat them all.

Okay – there’s a few things about this cake:
– I think it only has about 150 calories/piece.

– The pumpkin helps the cake stay moist, which makes it delicious.

– I wasn’t a huge fan of this cake when it came out of the oven. I gave it a 4/10. But then, I put it in the fridge overnight, and the next day it was OUT OF THIS WORLD, 10/10, BEST CAKE I’VE EVER MADE!!!! Seriously. Next-day cold cake is unbelievable.

– You can also make it with spiced cake mix, like my friend Sabrina (click to link)

I really like both my coffee creamer and my pumpkin cake. They are low-calorie treats and take care of my sweet craving. I don’t feel guilty after eating them, and I don’t feel compelled to eat the entire pan of cake or drink the entire pot of coffee + creamer.

Do you have any delicious (low-calorie) sweet treats you are loving right now?

If There Was a Problem – Yo, I’ll Solve It

Twelve In Twelve

Sorry. Vanilla Ice.

I couldn’t help myself!

I’ve encountered a lot of problems in the past 10 days – holy crap! I am 10 days into the Whole30 Challenge! and I’ve started to try and solve my problems with innovative solutions. Sometimes, they worked. And sometimes they didn’t. But here’s some of the recent problems in my life, and how I’ve attempted to solve them….

Problem: Not having coffee creamer (i.e. Peppermint Mocha – my true love !)
Solution: Using natural coconut milk. And flavored coffee (hello, pumpkin spice!) – it’s not as sweet as I’m used to, but it’s better than drinking it black.

Almost as good. (not quite.)

Problem: Running out of food. Going to the grocery store 4 times last week.
Solution: Go to the grocery store and buy more food. In fact- Join Costco! – and purchase food in bulk. Cook and freeze as much of it as possible. Don’t waste time going to the store multiple times if you don’t need to.

The Costco Haul.

Pre-Cooked Ground Beef.

So far, I love love LOVE Costco and can’t wait to continue to explore the food options they have – especially the deals on meat and produce. What a cool place!!

Problem: Not eating enough fruits and veggies.
Solution: Buy more fruits and veggies. Buy them from Costco!! Bonus – bulk produce that will last at least an entire week. Win-Win.

Fruit.

Veggies.

Problem: Worried that my food will be “boring” – i.e. lacking sauce, taste, etc.
Solution: Find some Whole30 – friendly foods to use. Salsa? Perfect! Olive spread? AMEN! The olive spread is simply chopped olives and oil. Amazing!! love, love, love this in salads, with eggs, or over chicken. Delish!!

My new loves.

Problem: Too many dishes to wash by hand.
Solution: Install a dishwasher. Okay, okay. It’s really not that easy. When Jay and I bought this house last year, one of our main complaints was that it didn’t have a dishwasher. And so, Jay and I have been talking about making some kitchen updates (i.e. installing a dishwasher) for a while. We found one, in good condition, on craigslist. The only problem? We were eliminating cabinet space. The compromise was to find an island with shelves to store my pots and pans.

After it was assembled (and I absolutely LOVE the additional counter-top space), we tore out the drawer and cabinet below the counter-top. As first-time home-owners, it was frightening to tear apart our kitchen! After the demolition and the dishwasher slid under the counter, I was SO GLAD we did it!

Jay and I will still have to actually hook up the dishwasher (hot water, waste return, electric – probably with the help of a professional), and build the framing to secure the dishwasher and close up the gaps on either side.

I cannot wait to have a functional dishwasher in our house!!

DISHWASHER!!

Solving problems. Moving forward. I’ve still been struggling to tackle some of the emotional eating issues… I’ll plan to post about those in the next few days. In the mean-time, I’m enjoying the food on the Whole30 plan and feeling better and better each day!

Whole30 – What I’m Eating

Twelve In Twelve

Alright.I decided to follow the Whole30 plan after reading It Starts With Food.

Then, I went grocery shopping. Despite my struggles with the temptations and overwhelming emotions at the store, I ended up with some good, quality food.

So what am I actually eating?

Sunday night, I spent 3 (yes, three!) hours prepping and cooking meals:

Breakfast “scramble” – ground turkey, apples, cinnamon, nutmeg and pumpin pie spice.

Egg Bake – ground turkey, peppers and onions

Chopped Chicken with peppers, onions and leeks

Ground Beef with peppers, onions and tomatoes

So. Much. Food.

The challenge has been managing the food. Without a doubt. Making sure I’m eating enough, staying full, but letting my body run through its natural processes of managing blood sugar, then staying satiated, getting hungry, releasing glucose, and eating again. It’s been really difficult to change my habits – which were eating (munching, grazing) whenever I had the SLIGHTEST pang of hunger…. now I’m letting myself FEEL hungry and eating when my body gives me the true “time to eat” signal.

The foods I’m choosing to include during my Whole30 Challenge –

Meat – fish, chicken, beef

Eggs – cooked all different ways

Vegetables – more, more and more!

Fruit – 2-3 servings/day

Healthy Fats – olive oil, olives, avocados, real butter

Water – lots of water; lots of tea

So what does a typical “meal” look like? Well, I’ve been fortunate enough to have the variety and freedom to pick whatever I feel like eating (from the above-listed food items), and I usually have a protein, a few different veggies, some healthy fat, and maybe a serving of fruit.

Ground beef + veggies, green beans and cauliflower

Fruit, turkey/apple mix, hard-boiled egg

Salad (w/ oil/vinegar), Chili (w/ beef and veggies)

Peach, Salmon Salad w/ tomatoes, oil/vinegar

Salad, Salmon, Sweet-Potato (my favorite thus far!)

Steak and egg, green beans, cauliflower

I’ve really REALLY enjoyed most of the meals.

Although changing my eating habits has been a challenge, the actual food and meal-prep has been mostly good. Yes – it takes extra time to plan meals, plan for food, cook the meat and veggies. But YES – it also tastes good and makes my body feel really good. And… I know I’m making a positive change.

(As a reminder, I am not a medical professional and cannot recommend or advise for any changes to your diet or exercise plan!)

In the next few days, I’ll recap my first few days following the Whole30 plan and tell you all about this horrible “carb-detox” I’ve been going through!

Why I Got Fat

Twelve In Twelve

As I’m working through my issues of insecurities, inaccuracies and failure, I am realizing a lot of the feelings I feel are because of gaining the weight in the first place. Part of the reason I am struggling with not feeling good enough is because I am embarrassed about how big I got. I am mortified that I let myself gain so much weight, and I am humiliated that I can lose a large amount (50 lbs!) and still have so much further to go.

When I was 18, I was easily impressionable – as most teenagers are. People (especially guys) had never boosted my self-esteem, and I was really unhappy about the person I was. I met a wonderful guy, named Shane, who changed my life.Shane had pretty strong religious convictions and political views – regardless, he showed me the meaning of unconditional love. He believed in me, he believed I was “worth it” – he helped show value in me, total compassion, and unmatched kindness. He was my first “true love”, and I loved and respected him to the moon and back. He really changed my life.Shane was my boyfriend for part of high school and the first year and a half of college. He was a Marine, and had been actively deployed in the military. Before his deployment, we broke up (a mutual agreement because of the distance), but maintained close contact through letters, pictures, and the occasional phone call.

During my sophomore year of college, Shane’s humvee brigade was on patrol, ran over a landmine, and he lost his life. I was absolutely and completely devastated.

I cried for days.
I ate, and ate, and ate until I was numb.
Then I cried some more, and then I ate.
For weeks, I cried and ate myself into a deep, dark hole of depression. My friends and family were as supportive as they could be – what do you say to a young 20-year old woman whose life has been shattered?

I sought professional advice – to talk about my feelings and begin medication to help regulate my emotions. I was walking in a shell of the person I had once been. All the love, all the life had been drained out of me. I didn’t even know myself. I failed a few college classes, I lost friendships, and I lost myself.

In the two years following his death, I gained 50-75 lbs. Anytime I would think about Shane or his death, I would eat. I would immediately erase any feeling or emotion I had regarding his life or death. I ate myself sick – but I didn’t care. Being sick from food was a better feeling then being sick with grief.

As I neared my senior year of college, I finally found the courage to address his death and let it go. It was the most saddening and freeing experience – undoubtedly, it was a necessary experience. I no longer think of myself as “the girl who had the boyfriend who died”, but as “the girl who had the fortune to know someone who changed her life”. I am thankful to have known him, and I am grateful for the influence he had on my life.

Acknowledging the source of why I gained the weight will ultimately help me move past the negative feelings I have in my life. It’s shameful to admit “yes, I’ve lost 50 lbs” because that means I was atleast 50 pounds bigger than I am now. I used food for years as a way to cope with a horrible tragedy. And long after Shane is gone, I am still fighting the same feelings that he helped erase when he entered my life.I have since grieved and accepted Shane’s death many years ago, and am happy to say I am married to a wonderful man who provides me with even more support, compassion, kindness, and unconditional love! My weight is a constant reminder of avoiding my feelings for a very long time, and telling my story here is another way to continue to let it go.

Whole30 – And so, it begins.

Twelve In Twelve

I’m back.

And I’m on the crazy-train.

No, just kidding. Not quite on the crazy-train, but I sure feel like it.

Either way, it was truly eye-opening.

Ash didn’t send me the recommendation thinking I’d follow the food plan. She was simply sharing a resource to help with my journey and better understand the functions of my body. But the more I read, the more I realized how much I needed to follow it. I had an epiphany-moment when I read about the cycle of a “unhealthy day” and how much it mirrors the food ups and downs of my current diet – the spikes of blood sugar, the response of cortisol (stress) levels, and the insulin/leptin imbalances.

This book has helped me understand the way food gets processed in my body – and how really, truly horrible I was treating it. Even losing weight by restricting calories and eating “low fat” or “low calorie” foods – it tricks our body into a completely unnatural (and frankly, scary!) way of processing these chemically-altered, lab-generated foods.

So, I jumped in, feet first.

I’ve gone grocery shopping, I’ve cooked healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner meals, and I bought myself a new tea canister. I read, read, and re-read the information, came up with meal plans, and decided I wanted to do it. Today, I journaled – not calories, but foods I was eating and how I felt.

And I’ve promised myself that – no matter what – I am sticking by this for 30 days. To prove that I can; To give my body the chance to re-set it’s functions, hormone levels and the natural processes it’s supposed to do. And I’m sticking with it because I deserve to healthy. I deserve to feel good, and I deserve to treat my body the way I should.

So, that’s the deal.

I’m not making my glorious “I’m back and I’ve lost __ pounds!” post, but I am coming back, to talk to you about this journey that I’m on. Sometimes the journey on the road to healthiness takes a million twists and turns – but if I end up more knowledgeable, more healthy, and more happy – then that’s all I could ask for.

I plan to give up as many updates as I can – what I’m feeling, what I’m going through, and most importantly, what I’m eating.

(curious, right?)

In the coming week, I’ll talk about my first trip to the grocery store, how many hour(s) it took me to prep the food, and my initial reaction to changing my diet and my mind-set. Here’s a quick sneak-peak….

Source

Thanks for sticking by me through this weight-loss journey. I’m really looking forward to following this program and documenting my experience(s) along the way!