Archive for October, 2010

This is about me.

October 29th, 2010 | Ann

Okay, I’ve had a really tough day. A lot of things went horribly wrong with work throughout the week, in a cumulation of not caring, and caring SO MUCH that I completely shut down today. I knew the right choices to make for food, and I totally went against everything I have been practicing for the last few weeks. There was a going away party for 2 of the girls at work, and everyone brought food for a pot-luck. I knew all the right things to do, but for some reason, my mind thought otherwise. I went over my daily caloric intake by about 300 calories. Nothing to cry over….

Well, actually I did cry. A lot. I got home and Jay was being as gentle and as accountable as always, asking me what I ate, and why. Little did he know it would open the floodgates of emotions. It’s not so much the damage that I did to myself, calorically. I feel like I had un-done the past 5 weeks of work by deciding to eat and eat… and continue to eat. I was searching for the food to give me the feeling of happiness, contentment, relaxation…. And it never came. And so, I just continued to eat.

I thought about making myself throw up after work because I was so full. I literally ate myself sick. But I didn’t. I talked it out, cried it out, put my big girl panties on, and went through the rest of my day. Jay thinks I had this big “breakthrough” tonight with discovering why I feel the way I do, why I am so compelled to follow the directives of how I think the food will make me feel… And how I’m in constant battle with my own feelings and desires. I think the proof is in the action I take in the next days, weeks, and months.

We are still doing the 5k tomorrow, even though our friends have decided not to. In all honesty, I was really upset about it. I finally came to the conclusion that their priorities for health, wellness, and happiness are completely different than mine. My goals are, unfortunately, not their goals. I can’t FORCE anyone to care about eating healthy and being active. The only person I am doing this for… is ME. This is about me. Working through my issues, dealing with my faults, setting my own goals, and creating the person I want to be.

Tomorrow is a brand new day, and an opportunity to continuing practicing making the choices that lead me down the path I want. Whether I have 100 blog followers, 12 friends in real-life, 5 co-workers, or just 1 husband, I am on MY path. This is about me.

Prior Fat Girl Nomination!!

October 29th, 2010 | Ann

Thank goodness it’s Friday!! It has been a week of ups and downs – at work, working out, being sick, eating healthy. All week, I feel like I’ve been fighting the urge to eat an entire Halloween pumpkin filled with candy!!

Today, my nomination is posted at – www.priorfatgirl.com

Did you see it?? I’m pretty proud of what I wrote because it’s a very accurate portrayal of the person I am, and what my weight loss goals are! The voting will open at the end of next week – I promise to post the link so ya’ll can vote for me (if you think I’m the best candidate!).

Tomorrow is our 5k at Como Lake, and then I’m headed back to the town my parents live in to get my hair done, and spend some time at home. I think we’re going shopping at the outlet mall (yay Nike outlet and new workout gear!), and I’m bringing home a spaghetti squash. I’ve never made one before, and I’m REALLY excited to try it! Maybe with some turkey meatballs, too?

I hope you have a healthy and happy weekend! Resist the urge to eat the entire Halloween pumpkin of candy!! You can do it!!

Take-Aways

October 27th, 2010 | Ann

I guess I spoke too quickly about feeling “better” yesterday. I was still feeling sickly after work, and ended up taking the afternoon to rest. We had some friends come down and watch Glee (hi, Frenches!) – I wasn’t super crazy about the Rocky Horror episode…. It might have been too ambitious.

Speaking of ambitious, I WAS BACK TO THE GYM TONIGHT!! Jay and I did a Vinyasa 1 yoga class, with a little bit of cardio beforehand. I’ve been eating below my calories the past 2 days to create a caloric deficit, but it felt really good to eat below my calories AND have the added burn from the workout tonight. How good? About 680 calories good!!

I haven’t had a chance to blog about the Prior Fat Girl Get Together last Saturday. A bunch of bloggers have their recaps posted, so I’ll post my biggest take-aways:

Stacy spoke about being mindful about food choices and reading labels. Not that you have to pour meticulously over every single thing you buy and eat – just to make sure you are eating food that is close to it’s original source, with minimal additives and chemicals. To me, if I switched all my “low fat/fat free” foods to full-fat foods, it would be a LOT more calories. (e.g. yogurt with 100 calories TO yogurt with 250 calories). Stacy gave the advice to slowly incorporate those full-fat foods back into your diet, and you will subsequently eat less of them. I might become satisfied from 1/2 or 1/3 of the full-fat yogurt vs. eating the full container of fat free yogurt.

Mary spoke about being kind, accepting, and loving to yourself and your body. She gave a lot of awesome suggestions for positive self-speak and keeping the motivation. One of the examples she gave was the “would you say this to your best friend?” scenario. If you tell yourself “oh my gosh, your thighs are HUGE you FAT COW!!!”, would you ever say that to your best friend? If not, then don’t say it to yourself!! Another exercise was to think about the negative things people have said that have stuck with you, and to realize that those things are ONLY their own projections of their insecurities, fears, or things they’ve been told. They are simply projecting these things to “help” because they don’t want you to feel as bad as they’ve felt before. Unfortunately, the opposite happens.

Okay, we also got an awesome swag bag. It included all sorts of goodies – Subway gift card, free week of yoga from Core Power Yoga, Weight Watchers snacks, Luna bars, Pop Chips, and a NEW POLAR HEART RATE MONITOR -

This event was AWESOME! A lot of the information they presented was common knowledge, but it was reaffirming to hear it again, and know that I am doing the right thing in my journey. There were about 48 other women (and 1 guy – Hi JP!) at the event and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM was somewhere on their weight loss journey. I feel like I’m gaining a whole new group of friends and supporters who I can turn to whenever I have questions, issues, successes, or need some encouragement!

Looking forward to this weekend. It’s our 10th 5k – the Fearless 5k, a “beginner” race – for people who have never completed a race, and supporters of new racers. I feel SO STRONGLY about supporting new racers because competing in a race can be a very scary and intimidating thing – whether it’s your first, your second or your 10th race.

MY Cure for the Common Cold

October 26th, 2010 | Ann

Note: Theraflu did not pay me to give a product review. I just think it’s really frickin‘ awesome that it helped me feel better so quickly!

Saturday – I started feeling a little bit ill – stuffed up, achy, and just kinda crummy.

Sunday – Woke up feeling like I was hit by a bus. Thought I was going to throw up on the way to the 5k. Had to talk myself into not getting back into bed at 8am. Reluctantly rode to the race, but started to feel better. Completed the race, and spent the rest of the day on the couch.

Monday – Woke up feeling like I was hit by a huge semi. Got ready and went to work – immediately realized I was too sick to be at work. Finished some interviews and came home at 12pm. Slept in bed, and then on the couch. Listened to my body and didn’t go to spinning to meet a friend (Hi Lisa!). Had a nice dinner, relaxed in the pool and sauna in our apartment complex, drank a cup of Theraflu and went to bed early.

Tuesday – Woke up earlier than normal and feeling okay to work. Planning to work the remainder of the week.

A few victories -
1. I think I’ve mentioned my caloric output, right? In any given day, my body metabolizes 2,365 calories. I try to eat under that, and add activity to create a “deficit” (thus, losing weight). Well, yesterday I only ate 1546 calories.
2365-1546 = 819 deficit
Without any activity, I still created a 800+ caloric deficit, which makes me feel REALLY excited!!

2. I got on the scale this morning, and….
-14 lbs lost!! Yahoo! Yesterday marked the start of Week 5, and I track my daily weight in my calorie journal but haven’t decided the best way to track my progress on this blog. I’ll keep you posted on what I decide.

3. I’m not letting this “cold” get me down and out. Although I had a really difficult 5k this weekend, my eating is right on track. I’m actually WANTING to get back to the gym, as soon as my body feels okay. I know, from previous experience, that if I push my body to workout while I’m sick, it will only make me sicker, longer.

We have our 10th 5k this weekend – the 2nd Annual Fearless 5k!

Although this “cure for the common cold” has seemed to work for me, please remember that everybody is different! Each person’s body metabolizes and heals itself in a completely different way, and a different timeline. What works for me may or may not work for you.

Hope you are having a happy, healthy week!

Spooky Tails 5k – tears and life lessons

October 24th, 2010 | Ann

Today was the Spooky Tails 5k in Burnsville. It was at the Allimagnet Dog Park. After we got up and got dressed, we got Biscuit dressed in his Halloween costume – an ice cream sundae!!

The Allimagnet Dog Park is a really cool volunteer-operated park. There are large, open areas for dogs, along with some fabulous walking trails and beautiful scenery.

Here we are before the race -

Since it was the First Annual Spooky Tails, there were a lot of logistical issues. Some of the vendors were still setting up at 9:45, and the race started at 10am. Because of the weather, there was a lot of water on the rails, and the route had to be changed because of the mud and water.
There were dogs to “borrow” if you didn’t have a dog to race with – all of the rescue dogs were absolutely adorable! Most of the dogs (and some of the humans) were in costumes, which was really fun to see. Biscuit, of course, was the cutest dog in costume (yes, I’m biased)!

At the beginning of the race, Jay and I started off running. We were able to keep up running/walking the entire race and my heart rate was in Zone 3 – at my Anaerobic Threshold. I was definitely working hard to complete this race.
About 1/2 mile from the finish line, I realized we were last. Not near the back of the pack, not with other participants… We were DEAD LAST. And then, it happened… Something that has never happened to me in a 5k before -
I cried.
I was breathing so heavy, it was this horrible sobbing/gasping for air. Poor Jay couldn’t even understand what I was really saying other than pieced together sentences of “we… areelaaassst“. I don’t know what came over me, but all of my anxieties and fears about participating in a 5k were confirmed – I WAS FINISHING THIS RACE IN LAST PLACE.
Now, I realize there were no other overweight participants. Jay and I were easily the biggest people in the race by atleast 50-60 pounds. Today was another reminder of how BIG I am. I mean, can you imagine walking through life with 70 extra pounds strapped to your body? It’s difficult to do ordinary things – like fitting in airplane seats and finding clothes that make me feel fabulous. Let alone, doing out-of-the-ordinary things like participating in 5k races.

I’m embarrassed about how big I am. I’m humiliated to have finished last in the 5k today. Even though I remind myself that I DID burn 606 calories, and I did walk/run 3.2 miles this morning (and lots of people DIDN’T – overweight or not), it’s still a confirmation of how big I am, and how much weight I still have to lose.
I’m not going to let the results of today’s race derail my progress and success. I’m proud of the person I am, and the person I’m becoming. I’m proud of all the things I’ve done, and all the things I will continue to do.
Today I stand up, dust myself off, and continue to move forward towards the goals I’ve set – to live a happy, healthy life.

Tweet me, twitter me, follow me!

October 23rd, 2010 | Ann

I’m on Twitter!!! Minnesota_Ann. Go ahead and follow me. :)

Today’s PFG Get-Together was amazing – I’ll be posting a recap and pictures soon!! Happy Saturday!!!

Dog park!

October 22nd, 2010 | Ann

Tonight, Jay and I took Biscuit for a walk at this FABULOUS local dog park. It’s part of Minneahaha Park, and it’s 4.3 acres. It’s an “off-leash” park, and is set up like a hiking trail. We strapped on our heart-rate monitors and burned some calories hiking through this beautiful park, enjoying the crisp fall afternoon, changing leaves, and knowing we were giving our doggy a happy, healthy day.

I also made a delicious low-cal dinner tonight. I cooked up an onion and some ground turkey together. I made garlic green beans and some spicy garden-veggie whole-grain rice. It was around 500 calories for dinner – and TOTALLY filling! Sometimes it’s nice to get back to the basics – just protein, complex carb, and veggie.

I have a busy, busy weekend with a lot of really awesome people. It’s nice to know that everything this weekend (PFG Get-Together, dinner with my brother, recipe- and meal-planning, Spooky Tails 5k) – EVERYTHING helps support an active, healthy lifestyle that I am striving to achieve. It’s just proof that I CAN do it, and I AM doing it!!

Misc.

October 21st, 2010 | Ann

Hi all,

I have some miscellaneous items to discuss, and I’m sorry for the random post. I’ve saved the best for last – AND DON’T JUST SKIM!!! Here we go:
1. I am so excited about my BIG NEWS from yesterday. Did you see that? Well, Jay (my fabulous husband) sent me some beautiful flowers to say “congrats” for my weight loss to date, and for making it to the finals for the next PFG!!

2. I’ve been craving sweets lately, like woah, and so I decided to pick up some gum. So far, I like the Extra Fruit Sensations the best. I think gum is an excellent way to:
A. Keep your mouth occupied
B. Give you something to chew on
C. Distract (or rescue) you in a potentially dangerous binge-situation
D. Help pass most cravings
3. Now, I understand there are some cravings you can’t just pass. For example, today I was craving Reeces Peanut Butter cups SO BAD!! Ohmygosh, I wanted to eat about a hundred of them. But, I found two. One dark chocolate and one regular. They each had about 35 calories. I checked my calories for the day, saw I could afford it, and I treated myself to a 155 calorie snack. 1/2 oz. of smokehouse almonds were only 85 calories. Ahhh, I tried to eat this snack in as many (small) bites that I could, and it was wonderful. Craving fulfilled. Caloric impact minimal. SUCCESS!!!

4. Something really REALLY cool happened tonight. I went to the dentist (no cavities!!!) – but that’s not the cool thing. After the dentist, we went to spinning. Now, Jay and I have been going to spinning for the past year. At my first spin class, I didn’t know what to expect. I only lasted TWENTY MINUTES. It was embarrassing. I went back, though, and the next month, I subsequently padded my seat with a wadded up bath towel….. I wish I was kidding.

So, I got to the point where I can do the whole 60 minutes, burn around 700-800 calories, and no wadded towel under my butt. I wouldn’t say we are “spinning experts” – I consider myself a “beginner” because I am always practicing a faster cadence (how quickly your feet move), better form, and of course, doing ANY ACTIVITY with 70+ lbs is extremely difficult.

We walked into the spinning studio tonight, and…. TWO PEOPLE ASKED US HOW TO SPIN!!! I gave them the info – “Yeah, they normally turn the lights off and can help you adjust your bike… the music is loud, and there are clear instructions about your ‘perceived exertion‘ and adding ‘load’ – the red knob on the bike… don’t worry, my first class, I only lasted 20 minutes. We won’t judge you!”

After I started spinning, it sunk in. Two fairly fit-looking athletic people asked me and my husband (both admittedly overweight) for advice, in spinning. THAT IS CRAZY!!! Very humbling, and a huge compliment to us. I felt GREAT knowing that someone thought I was competent enough in spinning to ask me for help and advice!!

5. I have some awesome plans for this weekend. They include, in no particular order:

A. Dinner with my awesome brother. Planning to make a delicious healthy meal.

B. Spending time with my adorable puppy and loving husband. (I just call him a puppy even though he’s about 4 years old.)

C. PRIOR FAT GIRL GET-TOGETHER!!!

D. Our 9th 5k. Now, I blogged about the Running With The Wolves 5k, but it has been postponed until April. I don’t have any more details than that. So, Jay and I have elected to participate in the Spooky Tails 5k in Burnsville. Since Biscuit (our dog) is a rescue dog, it’s especially cool that all proceeds go to the Wags and Whiskers Animal Rescue.

E. Finishing my Prior Fat Girl finalist blog post. DUHH!!!

F. Going to the Social Security Administration and the DMV to OFFICIALLY change my last name to my married name. Hoo-ray!!

I hope ya’ll have a wonderful, healthy, happy and relaxing weekend. Thanks, as always, for all your support and encouragement. Love you all!!

Big news. BIG NEWS!!!

October 20th, 2010 | Ann

I follow a blog called Prior Fat Girl. Have you heard of it? I feel like I talk about Jen (the Prior Fat Girl) alot. Last spring, I went to the Prior Fat Girl Meet-Up – here is the blog post about it. I’m also going to One Breath, One Step: A Prior Fat Girl Get-Together this upcoming Saturday. I’ll be sure to blog about it!!

So anyways, I am a total Prior Fat Girl fan-girl. I read her blog every day, and I love the daily inspirations from her. Although Jen has already made it through her weight-loss journey and has lost 90 pounds(!!!!), she inspires all types of people, wherever they are in their weight-loss journeys. Here’s a picture of Jen -


When she posted THIS ENTRY a few weeks ago, I knew I had to do it. I was nervous about what I would say…. and how it would be interpreted. I mean, if you’ve read back through this blog since January, there have been some really great ups, but also alot of downs. I guess you never know until you try, right?

Well, after my cleaning frenzy tonight (which, by the way, my place looks AAAAHHH-SOME!!), I got the email… from Jen…..

I’ve gone through the submissions and am excited to have you move on to the next step…

OH MY GOD, YA’LL!!! I jumped up an down, I did a happy dance, and I definitely screeched some inaudible words that were high-pitched enough to qualify as a dog-whistle. ME!! A FINALIST TO BE THE NEXT PRIOR FAT GIRL!!! Yes, yes, I know I’m not a “prior fat girl” yet. I’m a FUTURE “prior fat girl”. The opportunity to be a featured blogger on her site, and to continue my public journey along the ranks of people who have lost 90+ lbs?? It’s something I want SO BAD!!!


How can you help? VOTE FOR ME!! The voting will start next week, and I will post the link here, and on Facebook. Please, if you think I am the most qualified candidate, VOTE FOR ME!! Although Jen selected me to be a finalist, it’s ultimately up to the readers to who their favorite candidate is. PLEASE!! HELP VOTE FOR ME!!

As always, thanks to all my friends and family for the support!!

The good, the bad, and the good.

October 19th, 2010 | Ann

Ohhhh, Tuesday. It has been one of “those days”. I woke up feeling exhausted and generally discouraged with life. I wanted to get Bruggers or donuts – the two biggest temptations for breakfast. I managed to stay “on track” all day, fighting off feelings of stress, anxiety, exhaustion, frustration, and general dissatisfaction. I had a healthy breakfast, and a healthy lunch…. And then…..

I got into the Halloween pumpkin in my office and ate “fun size” candy bars. Not just one or two. SEVEN. Yes, seven “fun size” candy bars.

Sidebar – why are they called “fun size”? They are anything BUT fun. They are stupid and awful, and give the illusion that they don’t have as many calories as you think. Did you know that 2 “fun size” milky ways have 170 calories???

I would have normally continued on the downward spiral of eating for today. I would have continued to eat “fun size” candy bars, and maybe chips. I would have had McDonalds, or Noodles or LeAnn Chin for dinner. I would have easily consumed atleast 4,000 calories for the day.

But this time? It’s different. I don’t know exactly why, but it is. Instead of giving into the temptation to continue the binge eating for the rest of the day, I made a decision to change my path…..


Yes, you are reading that correctly. I did 20 minutes of cardio and 60 minutes of yoga, and I burned 912 calories. NINE HUNDRED AND TWELVE. That’s amazing. The most amazing part is that I realized the error in my “fun size” candy bar binge, and I made a conscious decision to do something different.

Now, the yoga class I went to was b-an-an-as. It was a LifePower Vinyasa 2. That’s THE HARDEST class they offer. I’m not a yoga expert. In fact, I felt like this the entire time….

I try not to be too judgemental about my own yoga practice, because it is just that – PRACTICE. I felt like a total cow on the mat today, but I went, I worked hard, I did my best, and I burned 912 calories. To me, that equals success.

Today I had a bad day, that could have turned into a WORSE day. But it didn’t. In fact, it ended up being a pretty good day. I can do this. I am doing this. I am making decisions that change my path, that help “create” the person I want to be. And when I fall of the horse – or the yoga cow – I get back on.